I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor. -D. H. Lawrence
This quote expresses very well some of what I've been dealing with lately. I'm alternately excited about prospective waitressing work (part time hours with tips that make for full time pay, full time hours with tips make for even BETTER pay, always being busy at work, moving around and interacting with people -all of this a welcome change from a lot of desk work and computer time and worrying over the state affairs) and befuddled wondering what is really next for me. Much as waitressing sounds great today I'm pretty sure I don't want to be relying on it for the rest of my life, not that I plan to. But I'm still a little uncertain as to what exactly I would like to do for the rest of my life. Is it hairdressing? Baking? Either of those trades could lead me to owning a business and being very independent one day and the option of such self reliance is very welcome to me after suffering some wicked bureaucrats in my lifetime. But some days I'm still not sure where I'm going or how I'll get there and I've found that learning to deal with those feelings and stay optimistic is just as important as everything else. And sometimes the best way to deal with all that is to do something else. Although the weather has suddenly become hot, I'm looking forward to some baking next week as a thank you to a neighbor who's thrown some paid work my way. In the meantime I'll be sticking to floor scrubbing.