Saturday, September 29, 2012

It's the Little Things

Much as I love shoes I think I might love cheap rubber flips flops even more. I always have a pair and wear them until they break or are totally worn through. My most recent pair was nearly both and everytime I left the house in them (they are my favorite walking and hiking shoes, truly) I would think "These look like the shoes of a homeless person who is about to be a shoeless person". In fact, for the last couple weeks I've been wondering if they would break when I was out and leave me walking home barefoot (it's happened before). For the last few months I've been trying to no avail to replace them, I mean they're only $3-$5. I looked everywhere: the Chinese grocery, Target, Walgreen's, the 99cents store. Everywhere I looked they were either out of my size or they only had some that weren't the right kind -I don't want to wear flip flops with rhinestones on the strap spelling out "babe" and really I don't want any embellishments at all. I don't mind if they're a color (I love the two tone kind that have a white upper sole and a colored sole with straps in the same color) but my favorite are just the plain black. Anyway, I can't believe I haven't found a pair that were even passable for months. It's summer!!! They should be everywhere.
Today I was thinking about my flip flops a lot because I walked to the library and then also took the dogs for a long walk/hike combo and each time I left I wondered if I should change into the cheap sandals I bought as an alternate (but don't really like or find as comfortable as flip flops) but I didn't. And as I rounded a corner walking my dogs there was a little shopping bag at the edge of the sidewalk outside an apartment. It had a little sign on it that said "free" and right on top were a pair of black rubber flip flops. I saw them but at first wasn't going to take them. I have small feet and most people don't wear my size so I figured they'd probably be way too big. But my dog stopped to sniff around and I decided to go back and take a look. I pulled them out and checked the size but it was Brazilian (?) so I tried them on. Perfect fit. Funny thing. They're brand new and quite a bit sturdier built than the ones I usually find (or maybe they just seem that way because the ones I was wearing were so worn out). I tossed my old ones in the first trash can I found and have been wearing these ever since.
I love that this happened. It's one of those things that makes me feel like the universe cares about me. So simple but so perfect.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

My love life's been something between a disaster and dead in the water for quite some time now but recently I've seen it perking up again. Only trouble is that I'm so out of practice that I think I keep screwing it up because I'm so stunned at the possibility. Faced with what appears to be a genuinely interested guy the little voice inside my head says, "What, ME? This guy? This super nice incredibly handsome guy? He likes me? You think?"
Every time I realize too late that maybe I wasn't responding with the proper amount of enthusiasm to convey that the interest is mutual it's too late and I spend at least a week trying to imagine that we meet again by chance the same way we met before. But we usually don't. Until my most recent flirt. I have to admit that as truly nice as he seems to be and as much as he seems open and interested I'm needing a little convincing and was totally prepared to give it the time as he was so conveniently located in the building next to where I was working but then I quit that job.
Yup. Foiled again. I am, in fact, writing this with one intention only: to embarrass myself out of possibly of leaving a note on his car. I've heard stories of people doing things like that with excellent outcomes but it's usually the guy. Also, I always like to believe that what's meant to happen will happen no matter the circumstances. And, although I've given up on believing in 'predictions' of any kind from any person, I still want to believe in the guy who will "pursue me without fear or shame" as someone once told me. And maybe I'm also reminding the universe that I'm patiently waiting for another opportunity, if not with this one then bring on the next!
The bottom line is that being between jobs and not independently wealthy is kind of dull. The mind wanders and ill conceived plots are... well, conceived.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Arrrrgh! So with my latest revelations on my birthchart comes this: the realization that my true node is in the 9th house changed EVERYTHING. That's the house of travel, philosophy and mind expansion -all of which I love and desire. I've been dying to travel forever and haven't much been able to and it's one of my always goals in life. This is great because the whole concept of the north node is what you should be doing in life that doesn't always feel comfortable (though I have no trouble with philosophy or mind expansion and the only real trouble I have with travel is funding it). But I realized, while in my car and away from my computer, today that I didn't know what the house opposite that was (which is where the south node is -what you feel comfortable with, what comes easily, etc.) and it turns out it's the 3rd house which is communication, glibness and the desire to write. Interesting.... I think it's also defined as the house of self expression which is a bit broader. But I have to say I can't now decide if writing is a waste of time (it's comforting when I'm lonely and bored, as I am now, in between jobs again this week and without much human contact) or just a fine way to pass the time until I can create north node themed opportunities for myself. As is usual with these realizations, first comes clarity and then the confusion returns...

Monday, September 24, 2012

Astro Rant

Reading something just now prompted me to look at the my natal chart with the current transits. I've been wondering for ages now how a generally written for everyone forecast can be accurate for me (or anyone else for that matter) as in my chart the signs and houses don't line up quite as they traditionally are drawn. In fact, all my excitement about having Neptune and Chiron finally move on from Aquarius to Pisces -perhaps it's not exactly as definitive as I thought it was as they're both now in my 1st house (the whole of Pisces being inside my 1st house) which is the house of 'self'.
The interesting thing I'm looking at right now is that for the past year I've been hearing that Jupiter was in my house of home and that maybe I would move or do huge renovations and the like and in truth I didn't have the opportunity or ability to do any of those things. But suddenly now, with Jupiter smack in the middle of my 4th house, NOT in my 5th house as general horoscopes are saying, my apartment building nearly went into foreclosure (a few months ago) and the landlord has just had workers here for the last week repainting the entire exterior, repairing the crumbly stairs and fixing up a couple of nasty bits in my apartment that he'd been neglecting for years. THAT is totally Jupiter in my 4th house and so is the possibility of moving once the place has sold (whenever that happens....).
Also, I just realized that although I'm being told that Pluto has been transiting my 12th house, it's actually in my 11th (ruling groups and community) which explains why these areas have been going through cycles of tearing down and rebuilding for years now.
I have to admit, with all the attention I pay to this stuff I'm always surprised at how I can suddenly see things all at once in a moment (as now) that I couldn't see for years and years of staring at my chart and transits. It's all become clear! And I'm quite relieved to find that my True Node is in the 9th house and not the 10th as I'd been thinking all this time -how do I overlook these things?! (And THIS is why I'm reluctant to do readings.) It makes so much more sense, I'm not the type to believe that my career is my life (indicated by a 10th house placement) but I crave major travel (9th house) and have been working quite hard at overcoming a tendency toward logic for my sometimes nonsensical and elusive but strong and accurate intuition which is very 9th house vs. 3rd house (and which just guided me to quit my job BEFORE having secured the next because I just KNOW it's actually all going to work out and it was best for me to get the hell out of there asap). How strange that I can suddenly see everything all the better... Does this happen to everyone? I should look for the aspect illustrating this moment.