Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Escape Into Life

I will freely admit that I prefer to live in a world that probably seems like a fantasy to anyone else and ever since I saw all those scientists in What the Bleep Do We Know? talking about how we create out own reality I see no reason why I shouldn't. That being said, I'm trying to make decisions about my future while following my self prescribed advice, see below for the new moon collage: What makes me come alive? I am having such an amazing time these days that I'm having a harder and harder time trying to decide what I want to do next because doing whatever I want is pretty brilliant but I still haven't figured out how to get paid for it forever. I don't mind doing something in the meantime -until I can decide, whenever that is... But what? The idea of that terrible creeping feeling that I'm working off some kind of jail sentence returning, should the choice I make begin to feel that way (God forbid!!!), is whistling around the back of my head. Right now I'm trying to decide between taking a job walking dogs and playing with kitties or going to school full time for the next ten months. Or somehow doing a variation of both -if I must. And that's where I get confounded: must I? I don't HAVE to do anything. What's my other self prescribed advice? Something about not making plans for the future so that the future can create itself. But it's hard. You don't want to see too far ahead, you CAN'T see too far ahead and yet you want to make choices that will be good for your unknowable future. So I guess I'll just keep investigating until the little whistle in the back of my head screeches: Not that!!!!

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