Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I don't know if this a good thing or a bad thing (or categorizable at all) but I'm finding that these days I feel freer to be dumber. I know that when I was younger I felt like my intelligence was unrecognized and I worked very hard at proving it to myself until I reached the point where I believed in it and no longer cared if anyone else did. I think it was also some urge stemming from the same place which drove me to succeed in jobs that didn't suit me or make me happy. I felt the need to prove to myself what I could do and once I had done so I no longer cared to make myself miserable in such ways. These days as I am free of the burden to prove to myself that I am smart and "successful" I'm noticing that I no longer care if I sound or feel dumb sometimes. Or even often. Just doesn't matter.