Friday, November 25, 2011

Alright it's eclipse day!
I just read a facebook post of an astrologer/channel I really like who asked where we are in out own shadows and where or in what ways are we afraid of eclipsing someone else. Wow! What a thing to say...
Strangely, it was just what I needed to hear. For many years I dealt with the fear of eclipsing others. I grew up with some very competitive women and found that in my teens and early adult years I was still repeating those relationships, ones in which it felt dangerous to be myself for fear of what would happen if I were to outshine someone close to me. I finally recognized all this a while back and coming out of that cave was pretty difficult -more so for those around me, it seemed.
Much of what I learned then is still fresh enough that I'm still conscious of it most of the time whether or not I want to be. I remember the distinct feeling of strength and freedom that came with every difficult situation I encountered during that time. The ones that challenged me to represent myself honestly rather than folding in for fear of (somehow) devastating someone else. In truth, I doubt I "devastated" anyone and certainly the most damage incurred was to me in the period of time where I was folding in. For years since I've been reviewing my earlier relationships and seeing all the ways I missed out or lost something trying to be delicate with people who wanted all the light for themselves.
Since things have calmed down and I haven't been challenged on a daily basis (for a while there it was non-stop, forcing me to grow into my full self) there have been times when I've wondered if I've maintained or regressed or progressed. It's become hard to tell as I've moved along. I'll definitely be thinking about this for the next few days: where might I be folding in rather than shining out? In what ways can I strengthen myself?
Stay tuned for another eclipse themed photo montage.

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