Holy crap. That lunar eclipse last night messed me up! First of all I didn't realize that it was happening over night, I've not been on top of the astro lately because lately I've just felt that I didn't really want much influencing me about what's going on in my life and anytime I read a lot of other peoples interpretations of the sky I know that I try to relate to it and the results are that I feel like I'm living less authentically.
Anyway, I'm also preparing for my licensing exam later this week so probably minimizing the variety of information I'm absorbing right now is for the best. If it's not about anatomy, electricity, nail diseases, hair structure or chemistry I just don't have brain space for it at the moment.
Last night I had the worst insomnia I've had in ages. Not only could I not sleep and not only was my brain running like crazy, it was dredging up all these memories and assessments of the past (from recent to way back) that were really dull and unsettling for me. It's not like I was thinking of the 'good old times', it's like I was thinking of the really nice guy I dated briefly when I was 23 and wondering all over again why I the whole experience had felt so boring at the time and why, now, I felt that I had somehow missed an opportunity to be with someone who treated me the way I actually would like to be treated (took me on proper dates, bought me a birthday gift even though we'd only been out a couple times when it came around, etc.). And ALL of the memories were like that, of sort of ambivalent themed experiences. I think I hate ambivalent relationship experiences even more than I hate heartbreaking experiences -there's something amazing that happens first in order to be heartbroken.
Anyway, it was an incredibly rough night for me and even though I was sure it did have something to do with the full moon and the eclipse, since I didn't know that the eclipse actually happened early this morning I thought that it might have been equally some kind of oncoming anxiety about my test which until then I'd been feeling totally confident about. But suddenly I was thinking: dear god, what if I can't sleep at ALL this week?!
So this morning I'm kind of relieved. I'm actually really impressed now at the power of that eclipse -that was far more insane at the actual time than the solar eclipse two weeks ago. Thank god it's over.