Sunday, August 7, 2011
I love when I can clearly see the connection between my mood and experience to that of astrological transits. This, in fact, is what really got me to learn about astrology: it's an amazing tool for better understanding yourself. I love today's little lesson to me as I'm feeling particularly proud of what it says about me. First let me tell you a little about my day and how it was somewhat different than others. First of all, it was my first day off. That in itself lends to me being lazier than usual and more frivolous with my time and money. It's like a little celebration for getting through the week (no matter how easy or challenging a week it was). Anyway, this can be anything (or everything) from sleeping really late to sitting around in my pj's too long to thrift store shopping.... Basically just how many normal people spend their weekend. It's just when one of these indulgences seems out of balance with the rest that I guess I don't like it. But that's kind of what my lesson was today.
Today, in my personal transits, I had Venus opposing my Sun, Saturn trine my Sun, Moon in my 10th house conjunct my Midheaven and trine my Saturn. I'm sure that sounds like a bunch of gibberish to you, it seems incredibly ridiculous to me to read that long string of aspects and map them out. But here's the thing: I did. Totally naturally. I understood that and I did it by mapping it out in my head and drawing the lines and recalling attributes of all those aspects. Without even trying too hard, without looking anything up elsewhere. That's freaking amazing. I kind of thought I'd given up trying to "learn" astrology. I just read when I wanted to to and what I wanted to -which is what I always claim to be the best method of study anyway.
I'm not going to give you the long drawn out breakdown but here's the gist of it: lot's of focus on work and career and creating stability for a creative lifestyle in the realm of focusing on the future -near and far- with a fairly practical and very positive attitude, feeling incredibly relaxed and grounded and productive, managed my time fairly well and balanced it between relaxation, making art, doing responsible things, doing fun things. No self punishment for taking a day to myself: I didn't not leave the house at all until 5:30 pm, did not return a single phone call, did not even speak to another person until then, or for opting not to take the dogs for a walk today. And for acknowledging but working away from the little bead of fear in my tummy. I actually think it's entirely appropriate because it tells me at once that I know for certain everything is going in my favor these days but am aware that it would be unhealthy of me not to feel a tiny bit worried or unnerved by life.
And being honest with myself. I think it's still a little bit hard for me to believe that I'll get through school really fast, get my license and be working and making money and all of that so quickly. Some part of me believes that I'll be forced to get a full time, exhausting job in a boring, anxiety inducing office with unflattering lighting.
I had this bizarre dream last night that made absolutely no sense to me until now. It was a series of vignettes of me -often in situations similar to my past spending time with specific groups of friends from certain periods of my life in surroundings the were clearly representative of places we spent a lot of time but with crazy twists. (Also, I seemed to know all that I know now.)
For example, a group of girls I used to hang out with a lot in bars and at parties: I dreamed that we were all sitting in a vinyl booth like a bar booth but we were in a really large building surround by really large windows on one wall looking out over hills and the ocean, it seemed to be dusk. But along the wall the booths were lined up at it seemed we had late afternoon sunshine. Everyone seemed to be having fun (or it was implied, at least, that we all should be having fun) but I was a little bored by it all and restless, as I would assume I would feel if I were in exactly the same situation but today, myself as I am now. It wasn't as if it were an exciting party, but more as if we were in an airport terminal with lot's of other bored people, not actually traveling but just hanging out there trying to entertain themselves. What a freaking metaphor for my mid-late twenties! I leave them.
Next vignette (I don't know if I remember the actual order but I think so...): I wander away and am standing in front of the huge windows on the dusky side of the room. It seems to be a little overcast in the distance, but beautifully -almost romantically so, with a beautiful lightening storm which is not at all obscured by clouds and I stand and watch the lightening bolts strike.
Next vignette: I'm driving a car and my passenger is an older man (maybe in his fifties or early sixties) it's bright out, maybe midday. I feel like we don't know each other well. He's giving me directions but they're all like this "pass the fork in the road and make a left when you see the yellow bird" (I think that is exactly what he said, in fact!) but we're in a city and it doesn't make any sense but for some reason I hear it and have no abnormal reaction. When I reach something which, I decide upon arriving at, must be the fork there are more than two options and I get a little confused/frustrated and ask for clarification but refer to the bird (which technically we wouldn't be looking for yet) instead of the fork. The answer is something like "you'll know the way as you go" -but it seemed more prophetic/gibberish-like. By the way, it seems not to be a close personal relationship and not as if we might be employer/employee but I feel as if even though he's much older I have to be the one who knows the way and as if he is somehow reliant on me. But anyway, after he says this, instead of sitting there looking at the three ways to go I just keep driving with a feeling of total confidence, absolutely no knowledge whatsoever, it seems a tiny bit tedious and monotonous. I think I also suspected he had no idea what he was talking about and that he had tricked me into believing that he did and now I felt burdened. Now I've got the perfect fake story line for that part: an old man needs a ride home and I offer to drive him out of kindness. As we go I'm asking directions and at first he seems to know the way but then seems to not know the rest of it anymore. I'm left of my own to find the route to this strangers house and am stuck with him until I do.
What the hell.
And that concludes my astro and dreaming story. Whew!