How do I put this, throughout my life I have consistently been left unassisted. What I mean by this is that often when I was learning to do something -even when I was part of a group or class- where more experienced people or teachers would rush to help someone, it was never me. It was something I started to notice more as I got older because it appeared in social situations and made me feel less loved rather than more advanced. When I mentioned it to a friend once we were playing pool and someone stepped in to help her learn to line up her shots. I think I said something like, "Why don't you help me?" And they said, "Well, you don't seem to need help." Which confounded me as I didn't feel I was performing any better than she was. Best I can figure is this came from becoming very independent early on. When you know you're not going to get any help, you don't expect it and therefor don't appear to "need" it. I've noticed it time and again and to be honest I've grown so accustomed to not getting this special attention that when I do get it it makes me feel kind of nervous and my performance suffers. I even noticed it a number of times in the past year with beauty school: there were teachers who never interfered with my work or questioned what I was doing which kind of made me feel that I was getting the attention I maybe should have been and there were teachers who wanted to supervise me and interject with nearly ever step I took in a process which made me feel underestimated and anxious.
So I just came across an article via some site I've already forgotten which wrote their short article based on this one in Time which talks about how much better it is to learn something on your own, especially if you find yourself struggling with it at first. This is fascinating as when I was in those situations where someone else was being given instruction, it was always the same person or people who would be aided in every new situation. I never thought of any of them as dunces but they seemed always to get this attention and I'm thinking now, that ultimately, they were set up to become not-as-good at learning things. I've always appreciated my independence, even though I do think it's caused me to miss out on some things -especially socially. But now I'm actually really glad to have cultivated it so early on as I have always felt that given the opportunity I could learn just about anything and struggling doesn't ever seem to discourage me quite enough to make me give up.

I know I write about my dreams sometimes but I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned my cat dreams. Every so often I have dreams that are full of cats. This has been happening for years and I'm becoming pretty certain that I've got some sort of personal symbolism for them as the dreams have been evolving lately.
For years when I had one of these dreams they would be kind of disturbing and depressing because it seemed that the "theme" wasn't just "lot's of cats in one place" but it would be something more along the lines of "lot's of cats in one place that is kind of a weird place for there to be lot's of cats and many or all of them seem to be unhealthy or sometimes wounded". These weren't good dreams I was having. I've also had dreams with lot's of dogs (although not so much with health issues) and once had a dream of lot's of rats that I was trying to "save" and hold gathered up in my skirt which wasn't working very well and I've had plenty of dreams of lot's of animals -even totally invented animals that don't exist in reality.
But recently I've been having the lot's of cats dreams again but they've been very different. For one thing a lot of them lately have featured strong, healthy baby kittens which is different than the cats I used to dream about. And then last night I had one of these dreams again (including some dogs, I believe) and what was even more obvious about the difference is that A: I no longer felt solely responsible for the animals in my dream (-and overwhelmed and helpless), and B: not only were the animals now strong and healthy and happy but in last nights dream we also had some kind of veterinarian person who was totally on top of taking care of the one animal who needed help.
Without getting into the actual symbolism of it all I've just been taking this all as generally good omens. Things are getting better. And better. And I expect nothing less that for this to continue, onward and upward.

Finally got around to bringing up the hem on this dress and repairing an unraveling seam so that I can wear it this spring and summer. It's one of my favorite and longest owned vintage dresses. 

Great Day

As I've mentioned a few times I just recently finished beauty school and am about to start the next phase of working on my new career as a hairdresser. Many things about this have been a little scary for me. One of the best and worst parts of it, in fact, is that as a hairdresser you basically work for yourself. The scary part of this, for me at least, has been trying to figure out how to build a clientele. Today I got a "sign" and a great compliment rolled into one. A girl who I recently met to arrange for cat sitting for her and her husband sent me a note with instructions for the kitties and a PS at the bottom saying: Who does your hair? It looks gorgeous and I'm looking for a new stylist.

Wow. That is a great compliment on so many levels because, as you all know, I do my own hair. With the recent dramatic color change it was wonderful to hear from a stranger that it looks great because I'm still adjusting to it myself and apparently don't trust anyone I know to not be lying a little when they tell me it looks great -because they love me and want me to feel good, right? And as a just-starting-out stylist it was amazing to hear this because every head of hair you work on is a billboard for your work and so, in a sense, I've just seen that concept work! I'm now beyond ecstatic and my confidence in the potential of my success has leapt about a mile. 

With all this extra time on my hands again I've gotten back to reading. Not that I've ever really stopped reading but there have been times when I didn't have the focus for it or didn't seem to have time for it. It's been a while since I read a whole book in two days (I honestly can't remember ever having read a whole book in two days, actually). Last night was windy and then rainy. I recently threw away my sofa cushions (?) because the dogs has dug through them and they've been uncomfortable and messy for a while and I suddenly realized it was pointless to keep them. Strangely enough I find the couch more comfortable now than ever, with the extra height of the back and the arm it makes a perfect corner for me to cozy into. So last night I read for hours in my sofa corner with the sound of hard rain and wind outside. Lovely.
Today was absolute madness -I won't bother with the details, it's all over now. It seems another storm is blowing in, and I've got fresh books from the library so I'm all set.
Turns out I'm finally enjoying all the extra free time now that I'm done with school. I wasn't expecting to and was hustling to get things lined up to fill my time but so far it's just been a little so I'm going to happily enjoy this last little reprieve before my test and starting a new job.