Today was one of those days when none of my clothes feel right on my body. Like everything got a little shorter and a little tighter in all the wrong places. You feel me, ladies? Yeah.
I was riding in the car with my neighbor and the sun was too much in my eyes. I was telling her about the eclipses coming up because she's a Gemini. I explained that it's supposed to be a really great year for her. She said, "I could use a good one!" then she said, "Seems like you could use a good one even more."
Sometimes when people are empathetic it makes me want to cry. All this time I've been feeling like this was such a better year than I've had in I can't even remember how long. I like to try to keep happy. How many options are there? Be happy or don't be happy. But it's true. Nobody's been waiting for a good year as long as I have. And now I want to cry.
Earlier today a girl in my class burst into tears talking about the less than perfect haircut she gave her mom last night. She was devastated that it had gone so poorly (she felt -I saw a photo: it wasn't that bad at all), she felt like she should just give up the whole idea of doing hair as a career. She's the same age as me and the more I've gotten to know about her the more I've felt like she's had the life I always thought I wanted when I was younger: traveled a lot, worked as a dancer for a long time, went to fashion school, had her own shop, married and in love with a gorgeous guy, has a spunky and beautiful little girl.
I don't know what to make of all this.

"I wait for the lion."

I can't remember the last time I pulled a page from a magazine and put it up on my bedroom wall but a few months back I did. A black and white Valentino ad, the model wearing her hair in a center part, something gauzy with a lot of details, long sleeved and short skirted and a fluffy fur vest. There's something about the whole look of it that I related to, wish I could've found it online to share. Anyway.
I've been obsessed with finding a fake rabbit jacket for years and years. A few years back I had a white hooded one that was passable for a short while, though never had the full effect. I still wear it sometimes even though it's in sorry shape: dingy, matted and a poor job by my local dry clean and repair replacing the zipper. I've been in the lookout for a new one for a while now without much hope as I've never seen one made of fake fur that looked anything like what I really wanted. I don't even know where I got the idea that there might be one out there somewhere. I've seen girls wearing real fur vintage ones but I just can't bring myself to even touch fur that isn't attached to something living.
Today was my lucky day. I often (it's shameful just how often, in fact) peruse the website of a cheap trendy clothing store. They've got mostly loads of tacky stuff but every so often they make something really great. (Can you guess who I'm talking about?) Recently I found a new white jacket -better than my last but with a horrible placket of brass snaps up the front. I thought about buying it but I couldn't quite bring myself to settle. I've been eyeing it every so often but the more I looked at it the uglier the snaps looked. But today, as I was saying, I went on and there in the new arrivals area was my fake rabbit jacket. It's awesome. Not what I'd envisioned it would be, but nothing ever is. And it's on it's way to me now.
My fake rabbit jacket is like nearly everything in life: you can take the first thing that comes your way or you can wait for what you really want.

Preparing for the Eclipse

Christmas season is very dangerous for me. Every year when I go out to shop for gifts I seem to suddenly find a million things that I love for me and it's always hard to not cave in and buy myself a few presents. Last year when I visited my favorite shop I found a bowl of gorgeous crystals. Translucent pink -a little ecru-ish, very pretty. As they were mostly less than $10 and I was desperately attracted to them I allowed myself one. The owner of the store told me that they were called nirvana quartz but he didn't know what properties they had -as all crystals have some kind of energy and spiritual property associated with them. I came home and searched the internet and found that they came from the Himalayan mountains in India. What I read about it's properties was that this crystal has a mission to help us realize not yet formed potential of what we can be, that they can be conduits for profound inner illumination and awakening, they bring deep peace and can assist in achieving one's destiny. 
I started to carry the crystal in my pocket every day. I had it with me when I decided to quit my job -shortly after the holidays, on the day I resigned from my job and probably on my last day, as well. I had it with me when I went to court (both times) to appeal for unemployment benefits. I have it with me nearly every day. A few times I've thought I lost it and made peace with the possibility as I believe it came into my life to give me strength to make these huge changes and that if it should disappear it is somehow also meant to be and I'll be alright on my own. But each time I find it, usually tucked in that tiny pocket in a pair of jeans I thought I'd checked a hundred times.
I thought a lot about having it made into a necklace but wasn't sure I was up for wearing a chunk of crystal around my neck as a "look". Not that they aren't beautiful, I just like to keep my spiritual matters to myself rather than turn them into fashion statements. Recently I saw a photo of a necklace that made me think about it again. It was a crystal that was wrapped in a net of wire, if I recall. Very pretty. And it gave me an idea that I finally got around to making today. It's not perfect and I'm not sure I won't try to do it again, but here are a couple photo's of the work in progress so you can see my technique and imagine how long that took and how blind I am from threading those tiny links.

And the initial results!

I've since turned it on it's end and overall it's still a sloppy job. The fine wire I used to join the chain links into a net has ends sticking out everywhere stabbing me, I need to think of a new way to do this....

Taurus Full Moon