I am just now hearing that the coming full moon this Monday is another super moon -meaning that it's very close to the earth. It's also in Aquarius, my sun sign, so it's extra special for me.
Following the healing session I had earlier this week with Mojan she made a special bath for me, or rather she made me special bath salts to be used in a bath, and instructed me to start with the first bath (of three) on the full moon coming up.
It was just minutes ago that I went searching for something and found that this full moon will be super and at the same time learned that it's the first of two consecutive full moons in Aquarius, making the second one a blue moon and making both extra special. I'm kind of beside myself except I'm not sure why.
I'm very much feeling Mercury direct today and Mars joining Jupiter (and the grand water trine) in my 5th house. It's all making me want to GO now! now! now! And to know the unknowable rather than waiting to find it out as it happens -which is the only way. I have to remind myself how I love surprises! Am tempted to get lost in the internet searching for something to tell me what it all means, what it will bring but you cannot tell much from the research alone, it has to be synchronized with your souls experience in the actual moment to be accurately interpreted. There is no knowing the unknowable. I'm going to have to meditate a lot...

Now that it's been nearly a year since I've received any kind of predictably timed paycheck I have to say that making money every day makes me feel very free whereas I used to kind of feel like I got a prize for making through another two weeks and that prize had to keep me alive so that I could scramble my way to the next one.
Since leaving my old job one of the things I've struggled most with is not knowing where money would come from. I haven't had any hourly paid jobs in all that time. I've come to find that even when I try to convince myself that about $200 per week will really help and I should give up both my days off and take a day off of the salon schedule so that I can go work for $9 per hour somewhere I ultimately realize that I can't accept that. I feel that my time is far too valuable (and it makes me sooo sad that anyone should be expected to make so little, every person in the country is more valuable than that no matter what) and in addition to that, any stress or exhaustion I have to deal with will take away my energy from the salon and ruin my baby business and really set me back. Even the days that feel a little wasted because they were slow are worth it, those are my surprise rest and clean house days and I'm learning to enjoy those too and not stress.
The key to everything is simply happiness and optimistic blind faith. It's truly beautiful.
This has been my lesson with Saturn transiting my 8th house, moving into Scorpio and being a third of the grand water trine that is happening this week. I've been learning it for quite some time now and it's been incredibly amazing. During it's recent retrograde I had a really hard time with it, though the easiest hard time ever. I left all of my material external world problems in the material external world as much as possible and it was easier this time. It's amazing how events in life line up to teach us lessons. This one was stunningly beautiful.
The other houses I'm dealing with in this grand water trine, by the way, are the 1st and the 5th -so you can see the whole picture: Saturn in the 8th transiting Scorpio, Neptune in the 1st transiting Pisces, and Jupiter in the 5th transiting Cancer. It's lovely. Everything is magical, everything is spiritual, everything I ask for is placed gently in the palm of my hand. And it's taken an INCREDIBLE amount of work to get here but it was worth it.

Tuesday afternoon I had an appointment with an excellent empath/psychic/healer. When I made the appointment three weeks earlier I was a little disappointed with the wait ahead of me but decided that, since she'd been delivered to me by my wish, there must be something for me to do for the three weeks between and I set about working hard on my meditation and daily practices.

The past two weeks I lived in an odd place. I was completely devoted to happiness, productivity on a personal level and preparation for the inevitable deluge of goodness I've been certain is coming my way. On a material level I was at rock bottom, but on a personal level I was soaring. It was quite a strange contrast and could well have pushed me over some invisible cliff and plummeted me to "crazy" but I didn't accept that as an option. I just kept climbing however I could. Reading, meditating, writing, acknowledging all the questions that were coming to the surface. Honestly, I was working so hard inside me that even though I desperately wanted to put some of that free time into intensive housekeeping (lulls don't last forever, it's nice to get ahead of the chores while you can) I barely had the energy to get through a sink of dishes. And this is from someone who is not really a clean freak but I do usually enjoy doing the work and seeing the reward of cleaning house.

Throughout that time I thought quite a bit about what I wanted and might get from the session I was waiting for. I didn't want to hear any predictions of the future -I like to be surprised. I wanted to get the most out of it but I didn't want to ask really specific questions, I learned long ago that other people can't answer the questions we ask ourselves no matter how talented they may be. And in the last few days before the appointment I just let go of it all. All expectations and feelings of wanting to have some kind of control of what I took away vanished. Questions were forgotten -maybe they'd come up just so that I could ask them to my self?

When Tuesday arrived I had a sudden flurry of work activity to attend to. I had an interview for a part time job mid morning, I had a sudden rush of new clients for the salon (so exciting!) starting that afternoon and I felt that the universe was acknowledging me after two long weeks of stillness. As our conversation began she touched a little on the current astrology. I assured her I was up to date in that area and we moved forward. She told me that there was a focus on my past for this appointment and began to share the abstract messages she was receiving for me. 

I have to admit here, I've not been one to embrace the "angels" phenomenon. I think that, for better or worse, what people are trying to name when they use the term "angels" is the part of our souls that echoes out into the atmosphere. But I must say, whatever you want to call it, it is wise and incredibly nuanced and I'm really amazed by those who can tune in to hear it and express it and work with it. I love that so many people with diverse perspectives on very similar and converging idea's are creating vocabularies to express all of these things and if "angels" is the most recognized name for this energy then angels it is.

I want to somehow be able to express what I took away from this experience but it doesn't feel appropriate to just repeat the exchange we had. I want to say I feel something specific following this experience but while I have felt very different since, I can't really explain how. I think I'm still finding my balance. Every experience in life changes me from day to day and the only things I do know are that I was meant to have this experience and it provided me with a sense of something so intangible that I can't think of words that will accurately describe it. 

Part of it is just me, what we sometimes fail to recognize is that we are the only ones who create anything in or around ourselves. The overall message delivered to me was that I'm at a critical time of awakening in my life. An enlightenment. (I should stay away from the word "change" and use the words "freedom" and "awakening", apparently, which do feel much more comfortable.) And in the midst of all this, just following the big burst of energy to share my experience and my practices, I suddenly feel entirely unequipped to do so. 

Nearly every concept that came up in that session I could illustrate with an example of a recent experience. And yet, at the time I was experiencing it I had no idea that what it meant or that it meant anything at all. 

I suddenly feel entirely... what's the opposite of wise? I'm like the brand new skin of a baby, delicate and inexperienced at how to process the environment. I'm learning everything over again and I don't even know what I'm learning. It's both magnificent and bizarre and perhaps I should be a bit terrified but I'm in love with the adventure of it. 

This beautiful article and the video of singing trees and plants at the bottom are such a beautiful example of how you can understand what Pantheism is about, what it means. Pantheism, as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary (to keep it brief) is "the religious belief or philosophical theory that God and the Universe are identical (implying a denial of the personality and transcendence of God".

The stars have been good to me.

The magical moments really surprised me today. I get a bit stuck in my head when I'm trying too hard which is what happens when I have too much time on my hands...
Earlier in the day I had some things to attend to and felt really in the flow but by the end of the day all I seemed to be doing was waiting around for the routine markers: time for the animals to eat, time for our walk, etc.
By the time I was out walking the dogs I was conscious that I was trying to keep things flowing. And honestly, I almost didn't get why this evening's magic was so hard to interpret.
It came in the form of a random encounter with an old work friend from quite a while ago. I knew it meant something as I haven't seen her in so long but I didn't get it because talking about old work gets in my head and bugs me.
Hours later now and a number of revelations later -all brought on by the insights she shared in out conversation- I realized just how lucky I am to be in the position I'm currently in.
I've always known this but I have to admit that I had never fully noticed and acknowledged all of the magic and luck that I encountered on my path to the present. I have known that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing for a long time. I sometimes feel a little awkward about it as doing hair isn't really all that "important", like being a doctor, for example. But I enjoy it, I have a natural talent for it and it really makes sense to me as being both creative and practical -it's something that cannot be done by a robot, cannot be outsourced and everyone gets a haircut at some point. I actually did consider this when making my decision and was surprised that she came up with this same point, as well.
As I was saying, I knew I'd been lucky in a number of ways but you know, sometimes you lose track. Also, sometimes you don't feel like you're getting the support and enthusiasm you feel you need from the universe and you need someone to remind you in language that really speaks to you and this is what happened for me in that conversation.
Mazel tov means "good luck" in Hebrew. I already knew that, I was raised Jewish. What I didn't know is that the literal translation is actually "may the stars be good to you".